Saturday, 11 September 2010

Zack the Comedian

Ever since Zack has been able to communicate, he's been making us laugh. Or yell at him. Sometimes at the same time. And because we know that we'll forget those unmissable remarks if we don't write them down we, well, wrote them down.

Here are the best of them, in chronological order. You have to wonder what's going on behind those eyes of his sometimes...

"I don't want a nappy on! I just want my willy!" (September 2004 - when declining invitation to put his bottom away before sitting down for dinner)

"I be queen!" - anytime when wearing a hat / crown, Summer 2004

"My willy poked down?" - anytime when first weeing on toilet (October 2004)

"What's that kind of thing?" - when shown a picture of Hannah's Dad (September 2004)

"Got to close the door and put sellotape on it so the squirrels don't get in" (when using the downstairs toilet) - February 2005

Hannah: "Zack, drink some more milk sweetheart"

Zack: "Yes, that will cheer me up!".

(February 2005)

On seeing a present for Julia Neylan: "I'm going to help Julia share this with me". (February 2005)

"Who turned the rain on?" - March 2005

"Did you buy me a yoyo at yoga?" - March 13 2005

"No, not tomorrow! Today after bed! "- May 2005

When discussing visitors: "Sometimes when I want someone to go home, that's why I don't play very nicely" - June 2005

Zack: "I don't want to be a grown up"

Hannah: "Why not?"

Zack: "I don't want to have to say the days of the week"

(December 2005)

(a very tired boy is being invited to have his face washed for bedtime)

"Can I have two face washes in the morning?"

(January 2006)

When Rachel was talking about the death of Coty, the Russo family dog: "Maybe he went to a war or something?" - April 2006

(when eating his chocolate Easter Eggs)

"Can I stop when I feel sick?" (Easter 2006)

Zack: "I don't want to be a grown up?"

Hannah: "Why not?"

Zack: "Because I won't know what kind of deodorant to buy". (May 2006 - a subject frequently vexed over for some weeks until he was reassured that it would be fine to buy the same one that Daddy has if he wanted).

(to Rachel): "When you die you can't have dinner any more. Or lunch" - June 2006

(standing in the kitchen with a carrot he's about to give to Cookie the Rabbit): "If this has been in Rachel's mouth is it still OK to give it to Cookie?" - June 2006

"Don't take your mind out of your head." - July 2006

"I thought I had only one nipple but I've got two." - July 2006

"Was I such a gigantic baby because I had a birthday when I was in mummy's tummy?" - July 2006

Hannah: "Can you think of an animal that starts with N?"

Zack: "A Nairnog".

"Rachel, let me show you what I want. This is really the bestest thing in the whole wide world!" (the toy iron, and ironing board, and matching apron from the ELC catalogue).

"When I grow up I wonder who will be my twin?" - July 2006

Rachel and Zack discussing birthdays

Rachel: "Baby Jesus was born on Christmas day!"

Zack: "Yes"

Rachel: "That means his birthday was on Christmas!"

Zack: "Yes, so he had to wait AGES to get his presents". - August 2006

At an impromtu breath-holding competition in the back garden:

Rachel: "I held my breath for 8 seconds!"

Hannah: "I held my breath for 46 seconds!!!!"

Zack: "And you didn't even die! - August 2006

Zack: "Mummy, last night I had a bad dream".

Hannah: "Did you, Boo Boo? What happened in it?"

Zack: "I dreamed that my favourite colour wasn't blue anymore!"

Hannah: "…. oh. What was your favourite colour?"

Zack: "Green". - August 12 2006

(when he had a bit of a cold)

"I've got a frog in my nose" - November 2006

Zack: Do you get to choose what you want to be when you grow up?

Hannah: …. well, sort of.

Zack: Good. Because I don't want to be an astronaut.

Hannah: OK, that's fine. You don't have to be an astronaut then.

Zack: Do you want to know why I don't want to be an astronaut?

Hannah: Yes. Why?

Zack: Because I don't know how to walk on the moon.

Hannah: ..... well, that's OK. But you know I don't think anyone knows how to do the job they'll do when they're a grown up when they're four.

Zack: Well, I still don't want to be an astronaut. Because I don't want to walk on the moon. (December 06)

During a game of "when you're X years old, I'll be X-1" with Rachel...

Zack: How old will you be mummy when I'm 90?

Hannah: (deep breath)... well, I'll be..... 119

Zack: And how old will Daddy be?

Hannah: Umm.. about 125

Zack: Actually, you'll both be dead. (January 07)

Zack: Do you know why I'm eating so much?

Hannah: No. Why is that?

Zack: Because I want my tummy to be as big as Mr Greedy's. (Jan 07)

I think I've got dried up water in my ears - February '07

"When can we have paper money for pocket money?" - March 2007

"My legs are too long" - May 2007

Zack: Mummy, how many lily beetles/bridges/deer/apple trees are there in the world?

Hannah: I've no idea

Zack: But how many do you think there are?

Hannah: I really don't know Zack

Zack: No, but mummy, how many do you think there are? etc. etc. (May 2007)

"When are we going to move? Because I really want to move. And when we move, I want my own bedroom with table football in it. And if we saved all our money, and all our pocket money, couldn't we move then?" - May 2007

"I need to touch under my armpits but it will tickle too much" - June 2007

"I've got two things a spy needs. I've got a torch and a book to read in case I get bored." - October 2007

"I swam across the pool and I only touched the bottom three times and I didn't have any floats, just my trunks" - April 2008

(upon completing a construction of old cereal boxes and other bits raided from recycling)

Zack: "If we make all these things from recycling then we won't need to put out any stuff next week"

Mike: (pointing at rocket): "Well, what are we going to do with that?"

Zack: "Shoot it into space and it can be the home for an alien?" - April 2008


  1. These really did make me, like, literally, LOL. And indeed - COL (cry out loud). And I was there for most of them. Incidentally, Zack was born in August 2002 for anyone wondering how old he was.

  2. Thanks for sharing!

    He has such a refreshing take on mortality...and he likes to iron! What a lad!